Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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