We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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