My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
