If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
