If i come over, it means nothing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
