so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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