ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
