The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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