I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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