: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can Purell be used as lube?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
