Porn is love you can see.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
