Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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