I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
