i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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