The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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