Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize