I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
