I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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