somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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