so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
