I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
