he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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