Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
