it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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