I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize