we're chasing vodka with high fives
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
