I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
