I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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