Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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