Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
