I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
