Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
