i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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