Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
