i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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