About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
