I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
