im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
