6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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