Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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