There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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