I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
