I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
