oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
