she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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