I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
sex in a hospital.. check
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
