Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
