Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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