thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize