so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
