Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
