youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
