My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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