AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Randomize
