Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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