He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This baby is an asshole
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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