So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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