Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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