dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
