i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
