I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
