your thong is hanging out like whoa
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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