I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this hospital has no fireball
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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