I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
