oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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