just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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