No stitches, just platelets and will power
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
